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Bittersweet

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J and I have … I guess you can say we have been dating for a few months now. We have gone on dates at least once a week since January. We have kissed, even. It’s been very interesting and I have really loved having someone new in my life, and the romantic interest doesn’t hurt either.

We are fundamentally different. While opposites may attract, there is a need for at least something to build a foundation on. I have a very strong sense of self. I have very strong opinions about a lot of things and many more I’m curious about and have a cautious stance regarding. J has…. no strong opinions about anything, really. He doesn’t even have a favourite colour because he doesn’t want to miss out on anything.

I want to get married. I feel marriage is a fundamental part of life and I will somehow fail at life if I don’t get married before a certain age. This is my personal feelings about marriage and I understand it’s not for everyone, and some couples have marriages fraught with troubles, and I don’t pass my worthless judgement on them.  Deep down, at my soul’s centre, I want to be married. For many reasons which I won’t get into but the biggest part is having someone else to support me through life – to celebrate with me, grieve with me and share with me, and I along with them.

J claims to be polygamous. Though J has these poly relationships and then somehow always ends up monogamous with one partner. Which bothers me more than the polygamy. If you’re going to spread your love around like room-temperature peanut butter, go for it. But don’t stop spreading the peanut butter around, you need more than one piece of bread for a picnic.

I do quite like J, for his quirks and openness and ability to stay sunny when I tend to run to cloudy days. We share a love of adventure and appreciate small gestures. J has a lot of potential if he could develop his sense of self. Which is why he is in a self-imposed no relationship zone to figure out some of his opinions. Bittersweetly, we part as lovers to remain friends. I can only be cautiously neutral about a finite list of topics.

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