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Monthly Archives: April 2014

Castles in the Sky

Magic.

We’re taught from a young age through stories, music, and movies that if our love isn’t magical, it’s not worth having.  It colours our view of romance, relationships and marriages. Magic love glosses over thickly how much work and effort it takes to maintain romance and relationships. This ideal world doesn’t exist and we feel like failures when our fairy-tale doesn’t come true.

There is a disconnect between reality and day-dreams, and I know I for one, have a hard time reconciling between my expectations (thank you, country music and Disney) and what real humans can offer in love. Like many single people, I have a list of qualities I want in a relationship. There are standard, common-sense type qualities but there are others, much more specific and unique. I want my partner to not only treat me with respect but I want them to share my love of adventure and large dogs. I want to build my relationship with road trips and picnics but also rainy days and tea, with trust and respect but also a good debate once in a while. I want to make my partner feel wanted, loved, included and special and I want him to do the same with me.

I know that having a relationship is sometimes unfulfilling, leaving one feel lonely and neglected. I know having a relationship doesn’t magically make you whole, or shouldn’t, at any rate. A relationship should be the icing to your cake, to quote a good friend of mine.  I understand a relationship takes time, dedication, passion, respect and a willingness to put each other as a priority. Honestly, I think a relationship should enhance your quality of life, not dictate it.

That’s what I want and that’s what I’m seeking. A partner in crime, a steady hand to hold, someone to laugh with until our sides ache, a travel companion, a second opinion, someone to admire and trust; all this plus romance. I want the mess, entanglements, baggage, love, adventure, experiences and kisses at the start and end of my days. I want to be all these and more for someone (thank you, country music and Disney). But I need to find a way to toe the lines between reality and castles in the sky without losing any of my spirit, or diminishing the love I have to give.  How that is going to work out raises a lot of questions but I think I’m starting something good. Hopefully it works out so we’re both happy, whatever that happiness looks like.

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Love, part one.

I have found a modern poet that I really quite enjoy. He writes beautiful words that say exactly what my heart yearns for.  What I want to express but somehow can’t quite find the words. This is the first is a five part series which he released this week. I encourage you to visit his website www.tylerknott.com and read some of his words. They are really wonderful.

 

tylerknott.com

tylerknott.com

Falling Drops

The smell of rain, earthy and damp
rises from the ground though soaked with melted snowPromising an end to a winter that has long outstayed it’s welcome.

Tapping on my windshield and rooftop, tapping
and splashing up to rinse the months of dust and grime off
not just vehicles, but trees, sidewalks and grass. Brightening dead yellows to hopeful greens again.

Negative ions surround falling water bringing a peace to your unsettled mind,
the pattern of falling raindrops is easy to lose yourself in – they call in their silent ways
for you to pause. watch, breathe deeply. and sigh contentedly.

Bittersweet

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J and I have … I guess you can say we have been dating for a few months now. We have gone on dates at least once a week since January. We have kissed, even. It’s been very interesting and I have really loved having someone new in my life, and the romantic interest doesn’t hurt either.

We are fundamentally different. While opposites may attract, there is a need for at least something to build a foundation on. I have a very strong sense of self. I have very strong opinions about a lot of things and many more I’m curious about and have a cautious stance regarding. J has…. no strong opinions about anything, really. He doesn’t even have a favourite colour because he doesn’t want to miss out on anything.

I want to get married. I feel marriage is a fundamental part of life and I will somehow fail at life if I don’t get married before a certain age. This is my personal feelings about marriage and I understand it’s not for everyone, and some couples have marriages fraught with troubles, and I don’t pass my worthless judgement on them.  Deep down, at my soul’s centre, I want to be married. For many reasons which I won’t get into but the biggest part is having someone else to support me through life – to celebrate with me, grieve with me and share with me, and I along with them.

J claims to be polygamous. Though J has these poly relationships and then somehow always ends up monogamous with one partner. Which bothers me more than the polygamy. If you’re going to spread your love around like room-temperature peanut butter, go for it. But don’t stop spreading the peanut butter around, you need more than one piece of bread for a picnic.

I do quite like J, for his quirks and openness and ability to stay sunny when I tend to run to cloudy days. We share a love of adventure and appreciate small gestures. J has a lot of potential if he could develop his sense of self. Which is why he is in a self-imposed no relationship zone to figure out some of his opinions. Bittersweetly, we part as lovers to remain friends. I can only be cautiously neutral about a finite list of topics.