RSS Feed

Monthly Archives: January 2014

Doldrums

I feel trapped by my job.

I shouldn’t – I am too young to let work control my life, I should make the most of my days, rah rah rah!

However, I work shift work. I know my days off well in advance and I know my schedule three weeks out. So I can plan for things.

Except I can’t.

I can’t sign up for a 6 week art course because we went from having only certain hours we could be scheduled for at work to being “open” and having “preferences” that don’t always fall into what you want (or need) to fit your life.  And yes, we can trade shifts but sometimes it is like peeling someone’s fingernails off to try to get a trade (as in it ain’t happening).

I can’t sign up for a running group because if I take the 6am group, I might be working until 11:30pm, or later. And I don’t know if you’ve ever seen me in the morning, but I tend me be more dragon than lady.

Okay, yes, fine. I could sign up for courses and beg and plead and even bribe people to trade me shifts, but I feel like I should be able to have a general schedule and plan my life around that. I could just have a nap after my run. But I feel like I shouldn’t have to sign up for something with the disclaimer of “I can only make 3 of the 8 sessions” or however many of the set.

Luckily, some variety has been introduced in my work day – I’ve been accepted to a special project in Guest Relations. MAN are there some entitled people out there. I realize you’ve paid for your flight, and made arrangements but did you not think of any sort of contingency plan for travel over the holiday season in CANADA? Where we have WINTER? Like, snow and ice, fog and freezing rain? Things that make flying potentially unsafe? Sorry your TV flickered while you were hurtling through the atmosphere at hundreds of miles an hour, traversing thousands of miles in only a few hours. Do you know how long it takes to drive from Toronto to Miami? WEEKS. It takes WEEKS. You’re whining that you got there in 7 hours instead of your planned 5? UGH.

 

Some people.

Now, I know we have a lot of complaints and really, as sarcastic as I am when I read them and scoff out loud to my computer screen, I do understand these guests are upset with a service they paid for. I send them a lovely little reply and sometimes a credit if it’s warranted. I really do love the variety of feedback we get from a simple submission of “good” to a five page novella about the flight experience. Guests submitting Kudos to our agents, other guests who rip us a new one because we had the audacity to cancel a flight because a bird went through the engine and caused some very serious mechanical problems….  (For the record, birds and jet engines are not compatible.)

But I look at my schedule and it’s all over the place. I go from a week (glorious week) of 10-6:30 starts. The next week ranges from 6:15am to 2:30pm starts. How am I supposed to make a life for myself when I can barely adhere to a sleep schedule?

 

TL;DR

Whine whine whine.

 

Obligatory January Post

2013 was lackluster, to be frank.

I spent a weekend in Mexico, I tried several times to earn myself a promotion, I was invited to a workshop to enhance my work skills, my brother got married, I got to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. I was evacuated for 41 days, and slept on a couch for 42 days. I lost a precious-to-me heirloom that I’ll never see again.

I went on a few dates, most boring or interesting but I did not hold enough appeal to warrant a second date. I stood firm in my resolve to not just hook up with boys; one transgression in a year is pretty good. (Resort flings are not as glamourous as the novels tell you.)

My wanderlust nags at the middle of my mind all the time. It’s not quite screaming but it’s not whispering, either. Plans to go afar for my birthday have been cancelled and a possible spring trip may take its place.

I feel stuck, caged in. I know I am in a rut and feel trapped but I have no idea how to make changes stick. Getting into the habit of brushing my teeth twice a day has been a six-month experiment that’s had several weeks of forgetting to brush at night. How the hell am I going to find the willpower to make other changes?

Friends in this city are scarce. The ones I have are absolutely fantastic, the three ladies I can always count on. E, A, and Y are the most wonderful young ladies that I am thrilled to be friends with.  My friends back home…. there is a distance. Admittedly, I am not the greatest at staying in touch, but I do make an effort to converse with and stay in their loops. Feels to me like many of them said their goodbyes when I moved in 2012. Going to camps leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth as the people I thought were at least my “camp friends” barely have time to say hi anymore.  (I think I have crashed my last moot.)

Resolutions tend to set us up for failure so I’m not setting any this year. I will continue to work on my reading list and life list – suggestions for life list always welcome; I have enough books on my list!  Some of these things I won’t be able to complete this year, but I can do others and I will.

2013 was a dull grey with a few bright patches.
Bring it on, 2014. I want a life with more sparkle.