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Monthly Archives: May 2012

Fishes and Strange Lands

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I’ve been in Calgary for almost a month now. I’ve been working for 2 weeks and it still doesn’t feel like this move has sunk in.  I drive to work and look at all the red plates and think “Man, there sure are a lot of Albertans out today.” and then it clicks in about 10seconds later – oh yeah, I have the strange plates now.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck in limbo. Like I’m already in a rut. Maybe I’m just not exploring the city enough yet, maybe I need to make some friends, maybe I really need to push my comfort zone instead of huddling in the apartment with Emily and Andre.
Don’t get me wrong – I am loving living with Em and Andre. I have no complaints about my living situation – it’s been awesome getting to know Andre and reconnecting with Em.

I moved to find work, and find it I have. However, it’s isolated and my coworkers aren’t very friendly. They’re helpful if I have a question, they all seem to know who the right person to talk to is, and a few of the older ladies are wonderful and even funny at moments. But I’ve never seen work as my life. Work is a means to support myself and afford my weekend life – be it Scouting or a day-long drive to nowhere or crocheting a blanket for a friend’s impending baby.

It’s not easy picking up and moving to another province.  I guess I had delusions of grandeur and thought maybe things would start to fall into place for me. Again, I am shown that nothing will ever come easy for me and anything I want I will have to fight and struggle and work tirelessly to achieve.  Builds good character and work ethic, but it would be nice if something good just kinda fell into my path.

While I can’t compare my journey to anyone else’s, I can’t help but feel like I’m lost and drifting on the tides again. My dreams and aspirations are high and wonderful. I want so dearly to work towards them – I just don’t know what I should do first.
Do I work as much as possible, saving every penny (soon to be nickle) I can for travelling next year? Do I start taking language and business courses to take those same pennies and nickles to Europe (Paris? London?) to live and work abroad?
I want to buy a house, and I am sad to state that Henri is slowly dying and will need replacing. But how can I save for a house and travel if I have to pay for a new vehicle? (Even a late model costs more than what is in my savings right now, and it’s pay 8k for used or 10k for new, so why not spend 2k more for warranty and that shiny new car feeling?)

Life is hard. Why don’t they teach you about existential crises in school? It should be a mandatory credit for graduation.

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