My friend left a comment that’s made me think. And instead of leaving her a massive reply comment, I thought I’d share it. It’s worth it.
Can I ask a silly question? Since you can’t answer I’m gonna go ahead and do it.
At the top of your blog it says ‘making myself happy with me’ but everything you write about is concerned with changing yourself, more specifically your outward appearance. To me these seem like contradictory ideas. I’m all for being healthy, but you’re forcing yourself to not eat things you enjoy in order to lose weight, and once your challenge is up and you want to eat cheese again your body will then gain back some of that weight and you’ll be unhappy again. Wouldn’t a better goal be to learn to be satisfied with yourself AS IS? Like I said, being healthy and strong is great, but if your self worth is based on your waist measurement maybe you should spend some of your energy finding out why you feel you have to be skinny to be acceptable.
I hope I haven’t offended, I really didn’t mean to if I did, I just want to make sure you’re doing all this for the right reasons.
I should learn to like me as is. And for the most part, I do.
I really just want my clothes to fit better, and to not look like I’m several months pregnant.
I have come to understand and accept on some level that I will never have a flat, taut midsection.
As for the veggie thing, it’s something new. Like I said in the post, I don’t know how long it’ll stick around. I “slipped” in December, it was easier and more convienent. Plus I LOVE turkey and I only get it at Thanksgiving and Christmas. And the dairy-dropping is something to try. I do love me some milk, but I also don’t eat cereal or drink it every day. More than once I’ve had to toss a half-full jug (I usually get the 2L) b/c it turned off weeks ago and I didn’t drink it. So it’s not the biggest deal ever.
I’m not offended. She raises a valid argument. I’m just… I don’t know.
I guess the media/society has placed a higher value on the hourglass-and-flat-middle bodfy ideal and I’ve become “one of them”. And it was a goal of mine to drop the weight. Not to be “Finally. I’m a this size and therefore my world is complete” more for a challenge and acheivement.
I know my body won’t stay at a smaller size without a lot of dedication, which frankly, I lack when it comes to self-care. I don’t want to find the time to spend hours at the gym or ruining my knees running on pavement in the city.
“Making myself happy with me” was aimed more at trying to get past my roadblocks of not feeling good enough due to never being good enough for my Mum growing up, as she never had a kind word for me, only reprimands and criticism. which is pretty damaging. I wrote that one post about it, I should think about revisiting that.
For years I never felt good enough, and in a lot of respects, I still don’t. I don’t think I’m worth exploring to find the gold and diamonds.
This is probably why I’m so nervous about job interviews.
So, while I can’t promise more uplifting posts about how pleased I am with myself, I will keep some more clearly defined goals in my head.